Although debt is an “inside job,” many factors about money are not in your control.Have you ever been at the cash register, given the clerk your credit card, only to hear, “I’m sorry. The transaction has been declined.”rather than a mistake with the bank. You aren't alone if you’ve noticed those emotional responses when something like this happens.
Financial trauma refers to the psychologically damaging effect of stressors when you aren’t emotionally able to cope. While financial difficulties can be significant financial events like a job loss or major medical bills , financial problems can also come from a build-up of smaller moments, such as parents fighting about money or a buildup of debt. Simple things like an overdue bill in the mail can trigger these experiences.
Recovering from debt and financial difficulties share many parallels. There is more to struggling with debt than figuring out how to pay it off. We have to ask ourselves important questions to untangle from any financial difficulty response, such as:How can I enjoy what I buy when I feel guilty or irresponsible when I spend?Why do specific financial discussions trigger such negative emotions?These are common questions to consider when improving your relationship with your money.
Financial structure is crucial for overcoming debt difficulties. It provides stability when our nervous systems urge more reactive financial behaviors. Building structure, like creating a budget or a spending tracker, helps us note proper behaviors. That structure provides stability. Consider personal budget apps, worksheets, or using pen and paper to track your spending.
If all we hear is “we don’t have the money” as children, we begin to think we’ll never have the money as adults. That message needs to be deconstructed, too, and the messages we learned about debt growing up need to be corrected. Everything needs to be deconstructed. Instead of a hard plaster wall of permanent beliefs, consider the wall Legos and deconstruct each piece bit by bit.Debt cannot be moralized as irresponsible or used as a metric for our self-worth.
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