Woman Tries To Spark Casual Chat In Long Grocery Store Line As If She Not Desperately Attempting To Outrun Death

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CHICAGO—In an effort to appear calm Monday in the face of widespread Covid-19 outbreaks, area woman Ellen Garcia sought to initiate a casual conversation in a long line at her local supermarket as though she were not, at that very moment, desperately attempting to escape the icy clutches of death. “This whole thing’s pretty crazy, huh?” said Garcia, as if the bleak specter of the eternal grave were not looming before her as she placed 16 cans of black beans on the conveyor belt and forced herself to release her tight, sweaty grip on the store’s last pack of Clorox wipes so the cashier could scan it. “I wouldn’t usually buy all these boxes of instant mashed potatoes, but I guess it’s good to stock up on a few things that will keep, just in case. They say the important thing is to not panic.” After a person behind her in line covered their mouth to cough, Garcia reportedly grabbed as many of her items as she could, left her credit card behind, and made a mad dash to her car, where she hoped a generous application of Purell would keep her one step ahead of the Grim Reaper.

 

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Think third time posting this will be funny eh?

I am sure the chat is about the weather.

You know it's satire because it implies that the majority of us don't long for death.

🗣😂🗣😂

Fuck social distancing. That is a just an excuse to be antisocial. Humans are social animals.

She IS death walking around without a mask on LMAO

graham_schmidt The real story: casual paper-towel porn

where's her mask

This 👆

All I want is to go to the grocery store and marvel at all the different Oreo flavors in peace

i'm sure it would have been a bountiful conversation

She be like: “So, how are the children doin’” XD

To soon

The cleaning supplies, will easily outlast the food...

Then died of a massive panic attack in the parking lot

'The Bounty will protect me. Corona can't get through it's super strong layers.'

MadiiGlass Nice pic Baby I Love You

Aghhhhbb

costco?

Relax Americans were all gona die

This is amazing

Bwahahahaha

Frozen chicken, a million eggs and a tub of hummus. That's really your go-to for the apocalypse? Karen, we both know you're going eat that hummus later tonight, call Uber Eats for the next 55 meals and that chicken is still going to be in the freezer.

Well, that is me

Me

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