Nation Calls For Return Of Theme Songs That Explain Show’s Whole Deal

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NEW YORK—Emphasizing that you’d have no idea who anyone was by just watching the opening credits, the U.S. populace called Tuesday for the return of sitcom theme songs that explain the show’s whole deal. “We, the American public, demand to see a shot of the dad, a shot of the mom, a shot of the kids, and then a slow zoom-in on their home against a familiar city skyline every time the show starts,” said TV viewer Ericka Hamels, who also urged networks to once again set the whole thing to fun, upbeat music with horns or surf-rock baselines that the characters could then dance to. “Please, we beg of you—break it down for us. Where are these people from, how were they forced into this situation, and where are they going? But also, don’t just stop there—these theme songs must then be updated every few years, so that when everyone ages, we still know who they are.” At press time, the nation’s TV watchers amended their demands to include closing credit songs that restate the premise of the show and have characters wave goodbye until the next episode.

 

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Cory in the house explained the show at well

LuciferNetflix even wrote his own.

I really DO miss theme songs though... but you know, those 1-2 mins are advertising slots now. :/

If there is anything that's of God today, it's Johnny Cashs'. sung song The Man Comes Around.

Now more than ever....

bayouwilson Duckula gave you his whole backstory in the opening.

brognagotjokes where’s the nanny

Like one for Game of Thrones

This, but unironically.

theckman

katmazmusic Just Two Dads!

A-TEAM!!!!!

I like to think I have done my part for the nation

A-Team...My 1st love

You wouldn't know who the passengers on the cruise were, the guest stars, without the theme song:

jsharek Loved the song for Alice and Welcome Back Kotter

'It's Garry Shandling's Show' theme song remains the greatest of all time:

cameron_kasky I AGREE and some of them were CLASSIC.

This isn't an Onion article, it's the truth.

HelikaonJoshM

Herman's Head

The Perfect Strangers theme did not explain the premise of the show 😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠

👏👏

The Nanny!

Perfect strangers only told you to stand tall on the wings of your dreams and had nothing at all to say about immigrating from a small island to bother your cousin in the city.

“Punky Brewster” & “Blossom”

DarknessRandom

Those were the days.

At least there’s still...oh right.

Handiquacks Theme Song PLEASE!

Timmy is an average kid, who no one understands...

I long for these comprehensive theme songs because it meant I didn't have to actually watch the show but could still be in the know about pop culture references.

I would like to announce that I have successfully removed the Perfect Strangers theme song from memory entirely. I didn't realize this until just now, but I cannot even begin to recall it. The others are stuck; I hope senility will extract those some day.

The Lost Islands

jayhasrajani mikereaganmusic Just throwing this out there

Bosom Buddies.

I’m guessing that Game of Thrones was a comedy. But frankly I didn’t get the joke.

The theme song to Lost is a great example of this

Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know. Can you repeat the question? BossofMe

Too Many Cooks!

You missed the best one

The Nanny did this. It's also an underrated show that should be on TV more.

❤️ :)

Even just return of theme songs, to start

jm_mcgrath I can still sing 3 of those 4 theme songs at a hint of the music or a lyric

The Onion hopes this is true so it doesn't look weird as they try to explain why they think their jokes are funny. TheOnionSucks

If you listen to podcasts, check out the 'overly descriptive theme songs' episode of LaserTimeShow

You think you're joking

I am to young to understand this.

The Monkees theme song was spot on.

Don’t forget The Jetsons!

Look forward to the new theme for the El Chapo and Vietnam documentaries.

I’m just saying, how else were we going to find out how they BECAME Drexel’s Class?

Someone please do fan-made premise-explainer theme songs for things like Lost, Game of Thrones, or whatever is hip these days.

Just good old boys. Never meaning no harm.....

Top 10 (no ranking) Three's Company Courtship Eddie's Father Gilligan's Island Love Boat Diffrent Strokes Bev Hillbillies Green Acres Facts of Life Brady Bunch Fresh Prince

Don’t forget the Monkees!

Thank you for being a friend Traveled down a road and back again Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant I'm not ashamed to say…

H.R. Pufnstuf did it best. That theme song was THREE minutes long. It was like watching a pilot episode at the start of every show.

seeing the Gilligan's island logo bring back good memories of a good show i miss

'Here's my boss Jonathan Hart, self made millionaire..he's quite a guy, etc'

Hhahahahaha...needed this. They seriously never miss.

TV is tv right? Has society tipped so far, st, has reality tipped so far, people are now demanding that old classics be what, explained out reformatted in some way wHAT TF.. I'm foolish for replying now i see that.

CNN should be forced to use this:

I wonder what the lyrics would be for the Lost theme? It would be incredibly long and go on many tangents only to end with 'we lied, they *were* dead the whole time...'

🎶Here's the story, of serial killers, and the cops who investigate their crimes, all their cases, are very gruesome, and must be solved on time...🎶

cameron_kasky

A series of Unfortunate Events did this very well.

Those are all still best! Courtship of Eddie's Father - - the best one IMO

I nominate “The Beverly Hillbillies” to be on the Mt. Rushmore of this genre.

Move over rookies. Make room for the master of the universe of explanatory TV themes

squwooshk In all honesty, I’d be happy with ANY theme song that was a minute long. We never do that anymore.

I'm sorry, Marcia. I don't have the time. I'm busy with 3 boys of my own right now.

Adding this little gem of an intro

The theme song to The Greatest American Hero or GTFO.

Or even overdramatic intro voiceovers. We need more shadowy flights into the world of a man who does not exist.

chickmcgee1 is Tom writing for the the Onion now?

Can we talk about how abnormally long the Quantam Leap theme and intro is?

MST3K Show ‘em how it’s done

You forgot the Sapranos

Let's explain the show we're all watching now America. Rich white people owned black people. Now they rent all kinds of people. But they don't seem to mind.

🗣No expository theme songs 🗣 no peace

Perfect Strangers DID NOT explain that show. POOR Form They did not 'Stand tall on the wings of dreams.' They knocked each other around their apartment.

Try that with Legion.

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