In that time, I never had a spare bedroom. Due to my enduring love of enormous men, I have therefore spent many nights involved in a land war for mattress and duvet territory; elbows to the face, knees in the back, the slow creep of the pillow to the middle. However, let the record state that during the night I frequently sweat like a pig, smell like a cow house and wake up before the rooster so it’s not exactly a one-sided battle.
Of course, if we could afford separate bedrooms some of this would be avoided. In precisely the same way that if we could afford a spare room, my 73-year-old mother wouldn’t have to sleep on a fold out block of foam on the floor of our living room every time she came to stay.
So, I bring you a solution from across the sea. Specifically, Germany. When staying in Berlin one summer, my partner and I spent several months sleeping on a double bed but under two single duvets. That’s right – a duvet each but close enough to feel the heat of someone’s sunburn, should you want to. When we came back to the UK, we invested about £40 in a second duvet and have been pretty happily coexisting ever since.
There are of course many reasons why a couple might choose to sleep separately – clashing work schedules, disability, breastfeeding, bad backs, arguments, co-sleeping with , disagreements about curtain opacity – but we have a lot to fix about Britain’s housing system before this becomes a widespread possibility, especially for renters, people under 40 and anyone whose hats aren’t made of solid gold.