My husband just told me the company he works for is not doing well. He may not get the raise or bonus he was looking forward to next year. His base is $100,000, with a bonus of $20,000 to $30,000. That bonus was earmarked to pay off extensive house repairs completed this year, but it can be paid next year He tells me not to worry, that he will think of something, and find a new job. He’s really great in this regard: responsible and confident and takes care of our family. We have some savings.
We have two young kids. This is the age when we should be sending them to extracurricular classes or camps that they are interested in . But my husband is always saying the kids don’t need it, but he also doesn’t spend any time teaching them how to swim or ride a bike or hit a ball. This drives me crazy.
In the event that he loses his job or doesn’t find a new job with comparable pay, we will have to tighten our belts as a family. We don’t go on vacations and I don’t buy new clothes or bags. My own personal expenditure, excluding food, is about $200 a month. How much of a say should you have with the family finances, and how much financial independence do you want in life? The answer to the first question is 50% — as this is a partnership, you are not in your husband’s employ — and the answer to the second question is 100%. Your husband believes it is he, and he alone, who is entitled to make all the decisions.
Whatever you say or do, he knows that ultimately he holds all the cards. You have an allowance, you don’t have a joint bank account, and he will spend money on cars and other activities over your children’s extracurricular activities as long as he is able to. It’s hard to say whether you are in a happy/unhappy marriage or a relationship that is teeming with conflict. What is clear: the rules have been set by one party, and you are expected to live by them.
What should you do? Speak up and act up. That is, state your feelings about what marriage means to you and what happiness and fairness looks like. It may not change your husband’s opinion or have him devote more funds to your children’s activities over his new automobiles, but it’s important to have your voice heard. What kind of work should you do? Choose a field that you enjoy. The more you enjoy your work, the easier it will be to spend time doing it.