Temperament interacts with life experience to determine how one responds to both good and bad circumstances.
Everyone who loves has a style of loving, composed of temperament and learned patterns of intimate relating.Every person is born with a temperament, a collection of innate qualities that set their baseline emotional tone. Temperament varies little throughout life, but we learn to manage it in ways that exploit its strengths and minimize or compensate for its weaknesses.
If they see themselves as unworthy and others as rejecting, they eschew close relationships completely:Some loners are content without love, but many become loners as a defense against rejection, abandonment, or failure. Distancers want some closeness but are easily overwhelmed by it. The only way to discover yourself fully is to love someone and hold onto your sense of self in an intimate connection. Begin to open your heart inand observe what you learn about yourself. You may notice that you like yourself better when connecting than when distancing, and then you’ll want to do more of it.rather than need. Desire empowers, and neediness augers powerlessness. You can be disappointed and still feel OK about yourself.
The pursuer-distancer dynamic in relationships is somewhat paradoxical. If you maintain a mental state of connection and reduce your pursuit of interactiveand dysfunctional coping mechanisms. Left on their own, these tend to worsen over time. They require intensive interventions like theAlthough love styles emerge largely from temperament, they are more changeable than other temperamental qualities. But change won’t happen on autopilot.