How much to spend on your own wedding is your business, of course. But before you rope your dearest friends into your vision, maybe take a moment to consider what they can afford. Recent data from the Knot shows that the average costs of bridesmaid obligations— which is a lot to ask, even of your loved ones. Still, that hasn’t stopped many brides from expecting their friends to shell out even more, regardless of whether they have the means.
She called me when she got engaged, and I was super excited for her. I love her fiancé. But I didn’t think she’d ask me to be a bridesmaid because we don’t hang out or even talk very much anymore. We have almost nothing in common. So I was surprised when she asked me. I was like, “Oh, she values our friendship from college. I’m honored.” But then I realized that the rest of her bridesmaids are all very wealthy. I’m not close to any of them.
At this point, I can’t win. I’ve been very open about the fact that I can’t afford the options that are being offered, but I just get shamed for it. One of the other bridesmaids was like, “What if you give up coffee for a month?” I was like, “Are you kidding me?” I’m pretty sure that Ally and I will never speak after this wedding. We’ve barely spoken in the past few months, anyway.
My parents are from India, and bridal showers are not part of my culture. So I was like, “Oh, I guess this is just what white people do in Texas.” At the time, I was 22, and I was working and earning my own money. My base salary was $45,000 with bonuses that could bring that up to $65,000, so spending hundreds of dollars on gifts was a lot to me.
To add to the pressure, Anna would talk about the stuff that was still left on her registry. Like, “Oh my gosh, I still haven’t gotten those crystal glasses.” She specifically asked all her bridesmaids to buy her place settings in her wedding china pattern. She was like, “I want to think of all my best friends every time I’m setting the table.” But each individual place setting was $125.