The DNC
'You know, this would be all over soon. We'll pass this like hot knife through butter. Just think positively.' Says he as the shovel crushed the man's head, splitting it open for good measure and continues burying him. 'You know what, maybe try relaxing. You'll feel better.'
That's dope.
“This going to hurt me more than it hurts you,” he added.
I wish i was the prisoner
Again, for the last time! Let Stephen Miller have his fun!
HA! I see what you did there, you clever Onion.
The Vanishing, great Dutch film, remade in America with arguable results.
At least he's wearing a mask!
This got dark in a hurry..
smart guy.
Dark
Biden/Harris 2020
Symbolism can be (((scary)))
👍
Every email from the school board to parents.
Gotta say 'are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you?' before i tell them im burying them
bazinga
Dave Matthews band took a dark turn.
subtweeting kamala harris
Why is now the right time? Can't get the news story to load. Is it because doing anything to stand up to Trump is the duty of all thinking people?
I can't believe he just wasted a perfectly good meal 😔
I've often thought if I was a serial killer, I'd always be polite and respectful
'Deep down, we're all a bit scared.'
You metaphored the Tory's treatment of da public bruv, nice one init!
We're all in this together.
S-Sheldon?
well then
This will teach parents not to let their kids be truant KamalaHarris
Looks a little like Sheldon.
It’s nice to feel heard.
Staff on the onion found in Atlantic ocean .Dexter suspected.
“As you navigate this new normal”
“First time?”
Feminist Horror Movie Goes Wrong... via YouTube
it really helps restore my faith in humanity knowing that even in these trying times, people can still be as caring, calm and supportive as this man.
Might I remind The Onion that Stephen Miller is a family man. He always uses accomplices. Get your faxx rite!!!
Is it Trump, he does all the bad things
Where's the mask?
An excellent way to help cope wi to anxiety at the end there, I’ll be sure to implement it next time I’m feeling stressed out 🙌🙌🙏🙏
Sheldon, no
Good on the gagged man for covering his mouth
The first time you’re buried alive in a remote wilderness can be very stressful for some people.
Dark
Not funny.
They're probably on some good drugs.
122,045
capitalism be like
Plot twist: he was burying himself... 2020isthatcrazy
Look at the flower roots
These onion writers are low key fucked up in the head
I'm so seen.
Metaphor for 2020.
“It rubs its lotion on its skin...”
Good to see people finally giving the police a break and solving their own problems for a change.
Very clever Onion. You think that changing his name would make White House advisor to the President Stephen Miller unrecognizable? Are we this stupid? YOU ARE FAKE NEWS, and Stephen Miller is a patriot in the mould of the brave men at the Michigan statehouse. Check Yourself!
the photographer is culpable imo
'“Listen, I can tell you’re dealing with some pretty difficult anxiety, and I just want to let you know that’s totally normal under the circumstances,” Stewart said as he pushed his victim into a hastily dug trench at the bottom of a ravine' 😆
egoraptor
It's nice when fraternity brothers continue hazing each other after they graduate.
is that Sheldon Cooper ?
Guy should have stuck to quarantine like he was told.
Capitalism be like
He should have a mask on.
Hey you’re no Albert Schweitzer replied the gagged prisoner. Except it came out : “giiiggooooo giggity buh buh buh boosh!”
pure genius
I am guessing that everyone in jail has the Rona. RIP
The amount of people that haven’t been though earthworm survival training is staggering
Empathy is a precious trait.
'I feel this is in a spiritual level.' I said as I close the lid of the coffin while my neighbor who is cheating on my wife screams in terror.